ghosts from the past
2007-06-03
So I get these phone calls the other night around 130am which at the time I am dead asleep. The ex is really wanting to get ahold of me for some reason and it's been 2months with no words,emails or anything between us. Last time he called me out of the blue like this his dad died, so I picked up. I felt guilty immediately because I told myself after what he did to me I would never talk to him again but, as in many other aspects of my life, self control did not kick in at the moment. He apologized for the last time we talked which was when a ton of bad stuff went down and he continued to go on about what an amazing person I am and how no matter where he goes I'll always be in his heart and so on and so forth. I didn't really know what to say, it was weird to hear his voice. He has done this to me before, fighting, then the calls, then telling me all this cool stuff and then poof we're hanging out again. I was strong though, I told him I didn't want to see him and he was ok with this but then he though we could try and be friends. psh ya right. I told him if he can still get a hold of me in a year it will have been enough time that I could talk to him and be ok and not still having to deal with all this emotions that are still real for me at times when it comes to us. He's moving back home when he gets out of the navy, which is soon. Chances are if I don't see him before he leaves, I'll probably never see him again. He wouldn't come back to where I live and I am moving after school anyways. I guess this is all part of letting go. I don't feel so much anger and hate toward him anymore, I thought it was nice of him to apologize and I am starting to forgive myself for being so weak at times when it came to our relationship because I am young, and definitely new to this whole love thing so I feel like it can only get better from here.
On a different note I met a guy, actually I work with him which is bad but what are you gonna do. He is so respectful and nice, total opposite of the ex in every way exept for the fact that they share the same astrological sign...I hope this is not a bad thing. (note to self-do research on gemini) lol But anyways we'll see what happens, definitely taking everything slow...he already commented that I hold back and have a hard time opening up...this is true and if he does like me and really wants to get to know me, he'll wait.
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