Ex's
2007-02-07
Break ups suck. There is no way around it. See here is my problem, I don't think it's too hard to stay friends after a break up. Here is the catch though, the only way this works is if the break up is mutual. If one person was burned by the other though a friendship is just really out of the question. Feelings are still lingering along with the bitter after taste of being dumped and continuing to talk and bring them to the surface just makes things worse. On the other hand maybe asking to be friends is a selfish move. Maybe it is just so the person asking can feel better about what they're doing and make the transition a little easier.
I am really not sure the answer to this or what is the "right" thing to do but judging from my situation I think it can either be all or nothing....the gray area just isn't going to work. I truely love my ex and wish him the best in life. When I broke up with him and asked to be friends I looked at it as just because we didn't work out doesn't mean we have to totally cut off contact with eachother, I mean not to long ago this man was my best friend and a huge part of my life...it'd be nice to know we are still here in the wings for eachother if the other person ever needs anything or just wants to talk.
I have realized after many unneccesary nights of fighting when we were supposed to be just "friends" that I can no longer get what I hoped for at the beginning of our break up. I recieved a text last night calling me a "Fake-ass retard" WTF? I've been with this man for over a year and the best he can do is this? I don't need a so called friend like this in my life and I think it's going to take more in me to completely cut him out of my life than it did to break up with him but it's what I need to do. I am very aware that in time this will seem like a distant memory and I'll wonder what I was ever thinking holding on to such a disfuntional relationship but it's hard to see this future when you're so caught up with the past and "what might have been."
One thing is for sure, next time I invest my heart into a relationship it is going to be with a guy that I know will not step all over it and take me for granted. It's weird but this relationship has given me much more confidence than I had going into it that I can walk away from it and be okay being alone because I am not going to settle for second best just because I am lonely. I'll find that guy one day that will sweep me off my feet but for right now I am going to focus on me and just be happy with myself and where my life is going because I don't need a man to define that.
Okay that's enough break up talk, I think I need more sleep.
My first Blog
2007-02-05
Okay so I always hear about this whole "blogging" craze but never really took the time to try it out myself. So here I am sitting on my butt wondering what I am supposed to be "blogging" about to the whole internet world. Maybe for my first one I should just pick a topic and go off on it so that maybe one person can randomly read this and think I am crazy or I can just feel satisfied that I made a contribution to shoutpost.com. Either way, here it goes
So I am about to finish up college...well okay when I say about to finish up I mean in another year but the wording makes me feel better about going into my fifth year. Well after much soul searching that you are supposed to do in college, here I am four years later not feeling that confident about the fact that I haven't picked out the "job of my dreams" yet and the only reason I have even declared a major is because I looked through the catalog and randomly picked one on a whim....how motivating. I really like how when you go into college people are like don't worry about your major, just choose something your junior or senior year you you will be fine. Um this is not the case. What they fail to mention is that if you wait to choose a major and switch your major you end up having to take a lot more classes to compensate for the requirements not fulfilled because either a) you weren't aware of the classes you were supposed to be taking due to the fact that you had no major or b) all the classes you have taken for your major are out the window because you decided to switch....I mean come on I am a women why should I have to be punished for changing my mind, it's what I am good at!!!! The university however is not too worried about letting people know this.....they should just say we will do whatever it takes to keep you in as long as possible and suck every dollar out of you that we can.
So say I do graduate college, then what? Am I going to be guarenteed a job? Will I be making enough money to pay for not only the loans I had to take out to put myself through college but also a roof over my head since my parents are not longer going to support my 25 year old ass? The answer to these questions are no. Unless you are majoring in something extremely specific...like being a nurse or you choose to spend another arm and a leg for grad school chances are you will be doing nothing. Ok I know I am sounding really negative right now and truth is I am far from being a negative person but I am just stating the truth here. I am not saying that a college degree with worthless because it definitely is a good investment for the furture, I am just saying for the amount of time and money you spend getting it doesn't mean you are guarenteed anything more than a piece of paper.
So it's actually probably a good thing I didn't graduate in exactly four years or less. On the bright side I get to still work as a part time waitress and not feel THAT stupid telling people what I do, I can party at the bars whenever I want and people don't think I am a complete drunk because I can just say "I am in college" and it makes my actions ok and I get help from the parents while I am "working so hard" to get my degree.
Life is good :)
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