Death
2007-05-07
So a friend of mine found his little sister dead in her bed this morning. She was 19 and a freshman in college. She went out the night before and my friend put her to bed because she had too much to drink and then went to wake her up this morning to find her dead. I can't even begin to imagine what he is going through having to see his sister dead after just a night of going out with her friends. I never met the girl that died but I can't get the story out of my head. She was so young and had her whole life ahead of her and in the blink of an eye everything is taken away forever. I have a really hard time dealing with death and I find myself thinking about it way more than I want to. The meaning of life and what happens when you die is overwhelming to me. I just hope their family is able to pull through this and maybe her story can save someones life because the fun party scene most college students are involved in can be a really scary thing. I feel like when I first started college and even sometimes now I have this idea that nothing can ever happen to me and that I am invinsible. THis is such a scary mindset because truth is that life is such a precious thing and shouldn't be taken for granted because you really never know what is going to happen tomorrow. rip jennyWhere I am at right now
2007-05-06
I have turned into a needy person...when did this happen?!?! I never felt the need to have a man in my life or a boyfriend, I enjoyed being single and free...sex on the side was just a bonus but relationship? psh no way. Then I got a boyfriend, broke up with boyfriend and find myself being desperate for any sort of male interaction right now. I have lowered my standards just to fill some void and I don't even know where it came from! However the good news is I am starting to not miss/think about John (the ex) so much. I still look at his page on myspace probably more than I should and bust out the relationship photos from time to time (usually after a couple glasses of wine) but other than that things are getting easier. Yesterday I went shopping and wanted to go to these 2 shops I used to buy clothes from all the time by me and John's old apartment. This was a bad idea. We used to live far far out so I never go by that area anymore or pass through it for any reason, I actually haven't been back since I moved out. So anyways not thinking about any of this I start to drive over there, pass the street we used to live down and had a total breakdown. Seeing that old place and all the restaurants/bars etc we used to go to hit me so hard I seriously lost it. I felt so horrible for backtracking and I am going almost a month now without any contact with him and things were getting better and better until I had to do that to myself. Needless to say I turned around and drove home but still can't stop thinking about how empty and alone I felt being there. So once again I find myself trying to keep my head up and be strong because like the mom always said...this too shall pass and the funny thing is I know how true this statement is but it's really hard to believe it when ur knee deep in shit from the past.
On a better note I am moving by the beach in a month and my mom is coming out for a week!!! I finished week one with my personal trainer and I am really enjoying it. I feel better about myself, I only drank one night out of the week and I have so much energy it's crazy. I still have a ways to go before I am happy about how I look and honestly I've put on a good 6lbs since I broke up with John not too long ago, it's probably the fastest I've ever gained weight. It doesnt sound like that much but I am 5'1'' so on me, it is. I was starting to have to do the pant stretch lunges all over the house just so I could breath in my old clothes! This is not a good feeling. So anyways I am pretty focused on my health right now and even though I am doing this for me, seeing the ex a few months down the road when I am looking damn good will definitely be an added bonus :)
Created with ShoutPost
